Not long ago, I watched an episode of a favorite series online, in which a character's actions had deeply disappointed and betrayed someone he loved very much...and he knew how she felt. Figuring he had ruined a really significant relationship in his life, he pulled out a bottle of liquor and a glass as his coping strategy. I actually said out loud to my computer screen, "Oh, good. Booze and bitter regret. (Turn up the sarcasm volume here.) Nothing bad ever came from that combination."
Having used booze as a coping strategy from the age of 16 to 31, I was familiar with its lack of effectivness in creating good outcomes. What are your coping strategies right now, for those deeply troubling emotions like regret, betrayal, and abandonment? If not booze, what do you use?
I'll tell you a secret about your most important relationship, such as with your spouse/partner, close sibling, or dear friend. You choose who; the secret is the same. How much and how well you trust that person is governed mostly by the experiences of your first year of life. Yes. The process that leads to ownership of a healthy ability to trust others begins at birth. At first breath, a normal, maturational process of child development opens an internal pitshaft down to the raw ore of Trust, your birthright. Each of us comes programmed with that essence, that readiness for Trust. Then, the less-predictable part of human development takes over.